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04 February 2013

Curious Case of the Kaamwaali Bais

Yesterday’s Times Of India carried an interesting article about a Gujarati family that made a killing faking death of several people on fake LIC policies. News item here. Incidentally the lady who comes home to massage my new-born and my wife also went missing with her cell phone switched off.
The missing Bai sent my wife and mother in a tizzy since we did not want even a single day of maalish missed for either of the two, my wife and baby. After waiting for several hours, my mom decided to take it up in her hands and finish off the maalish is another story but non availability of the bai was something neither were ready to accept.
Just because of these indispensible helps, I thought it was fairly interesting to know what some of the common excuses these Bais made. I have compiled my list below from my experience. Let me know if you think there is more to the variety of excuses made!
  1. What tops the list and the reason the Gujarati family article was mentioned was that the Bais are excellent at killing the same person several times! in fact even if the person is related in a distant way, they take off at the drop of a hat citing the reason of death! so Excuse number 1, “Mera <insert name/relationship here> kal guzar gaya. Isiliye mai udhar gayi thi!” It is for this reason I think the poor Gujarati family has done no harm, it is these Bais who need to be arrested! Pun intended.
  2. Somebody or the other has to fall ill and then the entire responsibility falls on the Bai! Poor Bai, she not only has to work at other places, but also tend to the ill at home! so Excuse number 2, “Mera <insert name/relationship here> kal bimaar ho gaya tha aur ghar main koi usko dekhne ko nahin tha!”
  3. Well, if somebody cannot fall ill, why no the Bai become that somebody! A precursor to expecting the Bai missing the next day is to carefully listen to what the Bai is talking about today! She may complain of a backache or feeling feverish or even a toothache! In short she is warning you in advance to be prepared to do the work yourself the next day! "So Excuse number 3, “Meri tabiyat kharab thi, mujhko <insert ailment here> hua/tha!”
  4. You cannot kill somebody everyday, you cannot fall ill or get someone to fall ill everyday, so what do we do! Very simple! Complain of excessive work at another employer’s place and say you cannot make it! Complain of how the employer is mistreating you with loading you with less than half of what she does herself! Complain how there are so many guests that you are not able to finish your work! So Excuse number 4, “Aaj <insert name here> ke ghar pe bahut saare mehmaan hai, main nahin aa sakegi!” Well, this would come to you after you have waited for her all day and then finally decided to call her up!
  5. Final excuse when all fails and you have nothing to say, it’s no vacation season, no guests expected and all excuses used. Failsafe and one that the employer can never refuse. For this excuse to be used, it is mandatory that your Bai is married and has kids. the more grown up, the better! So final failsafe Excuse number 5, “Aaj <insert name/relationship here> ke school main bulaya hai, parent – teacher meeting hai!”
Can you think up of any other excuses that can be added to this list?

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